God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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