my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
