My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
