thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
