so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
