What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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