Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize