Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
jump out the window naked night went bad
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