Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
