Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
