just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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