he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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