"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
