your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
