Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
