my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
