So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
