I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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