Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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