Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
