Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
