Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
