You can't special order awesome
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
did i just pee glitter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
