idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
