Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
