Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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