a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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