laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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