she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
