Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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