i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
