New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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