I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have post one night stand depression
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
