I can tuck mytits in my pants
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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