Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
