Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
