AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
