your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
