Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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