I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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