Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
