Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
