we're chasing vodka with high fives
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
