Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
