my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
