I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
