i permit you to call me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
