He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
