it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
