Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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