her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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