It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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