The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
