I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
