what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
