i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
