i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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