we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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