i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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