I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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