A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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