He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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