; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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