Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize