Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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