would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
