We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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