tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
